long delayed post on vision

[this post was originally composed while I was in the Middle East, due to some concerns about its confessional nature I decided to wait to post it.]

"And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.
29 Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days.

30 I will show wonders in the heavens
and on the earth,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.

31 The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD.

32 And everyone who calls
on the name of the LORD will be saved;
for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem
there will be deliverance,
as the LORD has said,
among the survivors
whom the LORD calls."
-Joel 2:29-32

Let me start off this by saying that I am not really a Joel 2 kind of person usually. My primary spiritual gift is probably service and helps; I tend to only dream crazy dreams when I'm on Lariam (malaria medicine) and the closest thing I've ever had to an extraordinary vision during my time here was the time I hit my head really hard coming out of the low-doorpost kitchen twice in a row. I wish not to comment on the cessationism debate here and hope that you'll grant me some leniency as I describe things in this post you might think are not genuine; if you want to we could go to the Bible sometime when I get back to look at this issue. For now, I'm fairly certain the Bible is on the side of God at least being able to reveal truth subordinate to the Bible to people nowadays, even if most people who have or claim to have such a gift abuse it.. Anyway, that's not really what this post is about, but I kind of had to start off with that disclaimer so that when I tell my story you won't freak out.

It was Saturday a few weeks ago-- the day before I got my first e-mail from Sara. I was at a fairly low point spiritually in general and had been discouraged especially about a particular recurring sin that I've been fighting for a long time with very slow (and sometimes reverse) progress. And of course Satan was using that to discourage me and to push me into thinking that I'll never be able to do this missionary thing or that it will always sap my energy and rob my joy. He was also trying to put lies into my head about Sara, too, and that was rough. I spent some time in the afternoon wrestling through that with God, though, and came to a prayer meeting for the workers here ready to meet with God.

The meeting was pretty open; we spent some time singing songs before free time to share passages from the Bible, pray, or a give a word. And people prayed some rather powerful prayers for this country, asking God to bring people to Him. So many of you, my readers, will never set foot in a closed country to go to an unreached people, but they need your regular and desperate prayers.

Then someone spoke up in prayer saying that God was telling them that someone in the room was struggling with a lie they were hearing from Satan about being inadequate. Those words pierced me like a sword; I knew that that was what was going on in my heart. This woman then prayed for God's power to release people from this lie of being inadequate, of being incapable with God's grace to be free from sin and accomplishing their dreams. I think that especially among Christians who are mature and a real threat to Satan, he can't really steal their souls but he can distract them and he can make them think they're not a threat. In my life, I've seen the devil use my tendency towards laziness to accomplish the former and my struggles with sin to accomplish the latter. When I allow myself to think that I will never improve in certain areas or that sins of mine will inevitably destroy what I love, I am doubting God's healing power and setting myself up for failure.

So then there was a time for people to be prayed over and I went up. This woman prayed over me and I felt my body relax in this weird way-- the truth was setting me free. Then one of the city team leaders prayed over me, too, and read from Joel 2. I thought that was kind of weird because I am not the vision-seeing type, but she prayed hard that God would maintain my vision of working in this part of the world once I become a doctor. And I realized that that's a pretty important vision (perhaps in a different sense of the word) from God.

She also thanked God that I was a man of purity and integrity, which I scoffed at when I first heard it. If you know me well enough, you know that purity and integrity are right down there with common sense and fashion senses on the "admirable qualities and spiritual gifts that I possess" list. But then I remembered something really important-- one of the most important words I've ever received from my friend. Once when I was incredibly depressed and discouraged about my impurity and lack of integrity, he told me that the kid who is impure and doesn't have integrity is not who I am. Who I am is the man that God made, the man that God is redeeming and wears the righteousness of Christ, and the man who will one day be wholly sanctified. And it is a lie from Satan is I let myself be defined by my impurity, my lack of integrity, my laziness, or any other thing good or bad that isn't related to me being God's child. Even being a missionary!

So I'd like to challenge you, my dear readers. Is there a lie from Satan about yourself that you have been believing? Something he's convinced you're inadequate to do? Maybe he's told you that since you don't have the gift of evangelism, you really shouldn't even try to evangelize (I believed that one for way too long.) Maybe he's told you that you shouldn't confess that really terrible sin to anyone because you'll just be rejected (that one brought me down for years, too.) Maybe he's told you it would be too difficult to bring a teenage mom or a homeless person or an exchange student or several more kids into your house. Maybe he's told you that you're inadequate for a certain kind of ministry that God has laid on your heart, or that you could never handle going to the inner city or working with immigrants or going overseas or even just telling your neighbor about Jesus. Whatever it is, I'd encourage you to think about a vision that God has given you that perhaps Satan is trying to taint and I pray that you will be free from any lie and every sin that hinders you from serving Jesus. grace and peace to you all and thanks as always for all your prayers.