grace & responsibility

Things have been really, really good for me lately. It seems that every time I've screwed something up, God has clucked His tongue and said to me, "Gee, Matthew, I didn't realize you could suck so hard and screw up something that simple again. Here, let me bless you with something better than you've had before because you clearly don't deserve it!" There are the simple things like family, friends, food, beer, my house, the opportunity the study-- and God has been more than generous with those. But also in the things where I deserved to be rejected because I failed, God has chosen to respond with blessing. And that is at once terrifying and emboldening.

For all the religious games that we play, there seems to be a pretty strong disconnect between how we think about God and how He acts towards us. (Seriously, click on the article-- Tim Challies is really good at exploring this.) So there are two sides to this prodigal grace: the best works that we do cannot earn His favor (though I think that He smiles when He watches us live out His love), and the worst things that we do cannot shake Him from His love for us (though it certainly saddens Him and invites His wrath that was poured out on His Son.)

So the two terrifying aspects of this are that we can never put God in our debt like we want to so often-- that is, the things we do cannot "earn points" with God and make Him owe us anything-- and that God can feel free to bring us to places of terrible suffering even if we have been on our best behavior. And yet at the same time, we can always trust that such suffering is meant to be a blessing and we know that for all that we do wrong, God still longs to bless us and longs to be gracious to us. And I guess that's where I am right now.

So the final aspect that I want to touch on with this (and this is sort of what I was getting to all along) is that I have been bought with a price, namely, the blood of Jesus. And this means, then, that while the things that I do now cannot change God's love for me, I still owe all that I have to Him. I didn't make this trade-- offering all of myself for the best that He can give, rather, I submitted myself to His mercy and found myself with a new master and a new heart. But it is terrifying some days to think about all the blessings that God has given me and how now my role is to use all of them to glorify Him. So I am thankful, yes, but now praying more and more that everything that I steward well everything that God has given me.

And I guess that's how we always ought to live, whether in seasons of sorrow or gladness: as grateful, joyful stewards.